I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
