The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
