i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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