My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
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