Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Randomize
