Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
