I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
