dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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