dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
