I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
