Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
