Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Randomize
