Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Come share oat with me in your robe
Why is there bacon in the couch?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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