What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
