Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
