Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
