haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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