what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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