I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
