You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
