low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
