i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
