the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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