she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
