You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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