My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
