covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Quick, to the slutcave!
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
