Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
