God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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