WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
