My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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