just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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