well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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