the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Randomize
