I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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