Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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