Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
