Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
