I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Randomize
