He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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