she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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