We need to rekindle our bromance
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
it's like heaven, but drunker
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
