What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
