Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
