i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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