she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
