Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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