I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
