he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
