Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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