This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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