Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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