He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Green mimosas i think yes
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize