i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
