Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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