I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Randomize
