my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
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