when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
