All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
