dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
