Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
