I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize