those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
