my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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