i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Text me some of your sweat
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
