Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
