I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
