I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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