I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Randomize
