forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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