Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
