you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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